What is emotions? According to thesaurus, emotions are the states of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, are experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. Theoretically, they are the conscious experiences characterized by intense mental activity and a certain degree of pleasure or displeasure. However, there has not been a confirmed definition for the word 'emotions'.
Emotions are something that are present in everyone. Be it happiness, sadness, anger, fear and so on. Time and time again, it has me wondering if it is possible for someone to be emotionless. Not totally, maybe semi-emotionless at the very least? It has been something that I've been wondering since long ago. Is it possible? Is it plausible? How much do one has to go thru to reach that state? It is sure puzzling, yet at the same time, intriguing.
A conversation with my best friend had me thinking. Bout my own emotions. The ones in existent and the ones non-existent. I do not exactly know when.. But I have been slowly losing my emotions. Growing up in a not shown openly loving family, it had me wondering, when I'm young, if my family is normal. Especially so when I compared to my friends' who shows affections openly. So openly that I felt awkward. Affections and skinships are things that are foreign to me. So much so that I began to fear it. Is affections and skinships that much appreciated in a person's everyday life? In that case, why is my family so different?
Getting into a relationship had me finally understanding what being affectionate and skinship is. Even thru the remnants of my fear of them, I had slowly understand them. Opening up, trusting, it had seemed so foreign at first. Though the relationship had brought me nought but sadness and loneliness, I was grateful. It had desensitized me to the fear of affections and skinships. Though still awkward, it is much more accepted to me after that.
Now, after breaking up, and understanding that relationships are not as they seem to be. My views of relationship have changed drastically. Maybe one day I can trust again. Maybe one day I can bring myself to love again. Open up my impenetrable heart. Bring my once again untouchable heart to see the daylight. And bring my slowly leaving emotions once again to see the daylight.
Now left with only the ability to feel happiness and sadness.. I wonder.. Will I start to feel again? Love, fear, anger... It seems so foreign to me now... Will I be able to? Will there be someone who can understand my heart? Better than me? Better than my best friends? Will these slowly becoming non-existent emotions surface again?
