Recently, I realised that I have been on denial for a year. Why is this so? Because my class dun see me as a person in that class. Even tho the clique said I'm part of them, have they ever include me in anything? Besides the bbq that I went to juz that one time.. Why...? Why even bother including me. I'd rather juz be alone if this is what happened in the end. In that case, at least I won't be feeling so betrayed agn.. And agn.. And agn.. Life sucks. Why do things like this have to happen? Why must things like this always happened to me? On me? Directly or indirectly.
Am I born to juz suffer in silence? Or am I born to be alone? If that's the case, I'd rather not have the chance to be born, that way I won't be suffering thru all this over the 18 years of my life.. Why can't I juz have a easier time being in sku? Why must sku be so unfair? Are all the students and teachers out thr so unreasonable? So heartless? So irresponsible? If human beings are born with a pure heart, what causes them to change? Change into these ugly human beings... Are people like this suppose to exist? If this is called sinning in regards to Christianity, why these people still exist? Alive and well, out to betrayed and make people suffer. Why aren't they dead yet? If they are supposed to be given a chance, how many of these chances should be given before they are the ones who suffer the consequences?
If these are trials, I'd rather juz skip it. No matter what consequences skipping it may cause, it's still a lot better than experiencing all these sufferings and betrayals.
If the clan doesn't include me in their group, what's the point of them getting close to me in the first place if they aren't gonna include me in any of their plans. There's no point to it at all!!! To be useful to their plots? To be used? Am I jus a human being born to be used and then thrown away? If that is to be the case, I'd rather juz end my life early and right now. To prevent myself from experiencing something like this agn. To prevent myself from suffering agn. To prevent myself from being betrayed and backstab all over agn.
If experiencing all these are suppose to be life lessons, then I'd gladly opt out of this. I dun see any advantage from being in these supposed life lessons. If these life lessons are there to make me learn anything. All I get from all these are that most human beings cannot be trusted. Humanity is slowly getting lost. And I am losing faith in humanity. If those 5 friends of mine who have stick with me decided to betrayed me as well, the first thing that would happen shud be my death i guess. Whether from the sku rooftop or my blk's rooftop. Whichever one is near me at the moment.
Escaping it for once, doesn't mean I will continue to avoid it for life. Anything can happen at this point of time. Students being sluts and bastards, I can accept. Teachers being extremely irresponsible? If it is me, they would be dead by now. And the cause will be by me. Why shud people like these be allowed to live in the light? And the kind people who doesn't deserve any sufferings living in the darkness? If this is the case to be living in this world, I wish that this world is destroyed right now.
